For women longing to embrace and enhance their intimate connections with themselves and their partner(s), “Sattvic and Sexy” is a revolutionary relationship system that radically reframes sexuality as spirituality. We work on how to be honest, nurturing, responsible and unburdened.
This is the advice column providing answers to questions about how to make our sexuality spiritual and stay on track to our highest self.
Queen E asks:
How do I get my husband to do foreplay with me? He just wants to have sex and I need more than that.
Dearest Queen E,
You are preaching to the choir. This is most women’s problems with their husbands. We have to remember that generally men feel connected when they have sex with their partners. Women generally feel more connected when they have the foreplay and the build up in addition to the cuddles and affection that follows.
The way to approach this would be in 2 parts.
1. Assess your partner. Is he capable of some kind of foreplay? Even if it’s not exactly your style. If so, then take what you can get and give him positive reinforcement when he does do foreplay like giving him oral at some point in the evening. Make sure you tell him it’s because you got so hot and turned on by the foreplay. He will need to associate the two so that he wants to do it again.
2. You will need to be the example of how you want the affection and give it to him without expecting anything in return. I know this seems hard but ultimately if you give, you receive. Maybe not exactly the way you expect, but you’ll be fulfilled because you’re taking the foreplay into your own hands and not waiting for him to initiate it. Because you know it is likely it won’t be in the way you are wanting.
Queen R asks:
How do I transition from normal day-to-day activities to being sexual? How do I get my partner to transition too?
Dearest Queen R,
This is a great question. You have to make up your mind and commit to following through on serving your partner - no matter what you’re doing. If you chose to be in a partnership it needs to be a priority for you. Thus, if your partner is horny and hungry for some action, drop what you’re doing or communicate when you can drop what you’re doing and serve. If you’re the one that is needing to communicate that you’re horny and hungry, then start making some physical passes at your partner. Drop some cues and when you see the window of opportunity, make it happen. It’s TOO easy to fall into the daily routine of never making time for sex and just checking things off your list. You’ll need to add “have sex” on your to-do list if you’re that kind of person. Make time no matter what. If your partner is having a hard time shifting, then you’ll need to hold space and dig deeper to help them understand quickly that it’s in their best interest because you are ready to give and make them feel good. If you’re seeing that there is way too much resistance, then just take matters into your own hands… if you know what I mean. If you don’t then I mean masturbate. ;)
Queen L asks:
What do I do about not being able to orgasm with my husband but can when I masturbate?
Dearest Queen L: Orgasming, especially for women, is mostly a mental experience. If you’re anxious about not orgasming you won’t orgasm. If you’re thinking about work or things you have to do or that you don’t feel sexy, you also won’t orgasm. You have to hold space for yourself and allow yourself to let go. Since you can do it when you masturbate then you can do it with your partner. Just imagine your partner is your toy or your finger. Or if that doesn’t work, then masturbate in front of your partner so that he can be involved. Eventually you can transition to use both your toy and your husband, and then finally just use him. You’ll have to be super focused with your thoughts and repeat “My husband is so hot. I want him. I’m so hot.” Whatever affirmation helps you stay in the moment and make it a sexy moment for yourself. Do NOT think about anyone else or an old experience with an ex. Keep it pure and loving for you and for him.
Thank you for your bravery Sattvic and Sexy women in asking these questions.
How to Submit Questions:
- Email Rina with questions at AskRina@SattvicandSexy.com
Important Note: your questions will remain anonymous. Your name will come up as Queen followed by the first letter of your name. For example, Michelle’s question would be marked as “Question by Queen M.”