Sattvic and Sexy Advice Column 2 - by Rina Jakubowicz
Liquido Active has brought on Rina Jakubowicz to share her new revolutionary, yet traditional movement for women. Rina launches her advice column called “Ask Rina: A Sattvic and Sexy Queen”, teaching women how to have healthy relationships with themselves, their sexuality and then, their partners in order to build their own Queendoms.
Rina will provide answers every month in our blog, to questions submitted by queens like you, who have doubts on how to take actions and live in a sattvic and sexy way.
This column will help women discover that they own their sexuality - no one else does - and how to take their sexuality back - not by force or rebellion - but with poise, maturity and groundedness.
Here's the second column! Hope you all queens enjoy it. ;)
Queen B Asks: Growing up, why did no one talk to me about being a sexual being?
Dearest Queen B,
Sadly, because of many external influences (i.e., society, religion, lack of education, etc), sex is and has always been a taboo topic to discuss. Consider the fact that when asking kids about whether their parents have discussed sex with them, they refer to is as “The Talk”, inferring that it should be a one time occurrence and a subtle discussion where the word “sex” can’t even be uttered. Our parents aren’t to blame though because the shame of sex has been passed down from generation to generation. Due to this shame, our own parents don’t even know the limits of their sexuality. Thus, there has hardly been any objective education regarding sex and our sexuality. This is a sort of collective emotional stuntedness in our society. Without parents setting healthy examples of how to approach this topic, children are left to figure things out for themselves and we all know how that ends up. The cycle continues and so we have to forgive our parents because they were never taught how to broach this topic in a healthy way. But now I am here to talk about your sexuality in a healthy way! Us queens can change this cycle with empowerment, understanding and education… and don’t forget, big balls! We gotta be willing to face the scary, awkward questions about sex with poise, confidence and maturity. The first tip on how to do that is to be honest with kids when talking about sex. I believe in you Sexual Being Queen B!
Queen L Asks: I have been married for 25 years and love my husband dearly. We have a great relationship and 3 beautiful children. Sounds like paradise right!?! My question is how do I explain to my husband that I’m not sexually satisfied? It’s a difficult subject to broach with a man who thinks everything has been fine all these years. I don’t want to crush his sexual ego. It’s just that I know there is more to feel in that area because of course I know how to satisfy myself. What or how would I begin to explain or say to him without causing him any unease or bad feelings? I realize you may be shocked about the years we’ve been married, but life can definitely be distracting enough for time to go by without making certain things a priority. It seems most of our married life has been filled with learning to cope with one tragedy after another. I guess now that I seem to have reached a point where tragedies are always part of life and I’m not going to stop aging, if I want the best sex life possible I need to do it now. We’re both healthy and in good shape, so at least we don’t face barriers in that regard.
Dearest Queen L,
Although being with someone for so long can be beautiful in many ways, I also understand how challenging relationships are and how it’s constant work. And I am unfortunately not in shock about how much time you’ve been together and that making love with your partner hasn’t been a priority. This is very common among parents because as soon as they have kids the role of mom and dad takes over the role of husband and wife. This should never happen in a marriage and is usually the cause of much suffering and often times divorce.
In terms of addressing your question, you first have to assess your husband’s temperament and nature. I know you don’t want to crush his sexual ego, but any man who wants to have an even better sexual ego, would do flips over turning on and pleasing his woman more. The more pleasure she gets, the more powerful he should feel; making him your king. So this is when a bit of honey is necessary in the communication process. You don’t need to mention anything about the past except for the fact that now you’d like to address the roles of husband and wife more deeply instead of mom and dad. Be honest but loving. This is about you now and how your sexuality has evolved and changed as everything does in a relationship - especially of 25 years with 3 kids. Your job will be to express how excited you are to start this new journey with him and how you want to explore and try new things with him. You must tell him how much he’s your one and only and how turned on he makes you. Even if he says “But we are fine,” you have to come back with “yes we are. And I want more. Being in mommy role for too long didn’t let me see how much potential pleasure I could have. I feel like I could tap into a new place for me where there’s deeper pleasure I could be experiencing and I want to experience it with you. I want to explore with you. We are still young and vital. Take me now!!!”
Okay. I may have taken it a little overboard but you get the point. Make him aroused by your offering. Maybe even initiate something sexual while you’re telling him your needs so he associates his pleasure with your pleasure. Train him to desire your pleasure too if you haven’t already. In the end, it needs to be playful while clearly communicating what your needs are. Men don’t like to guess. They like to be told directly (without nagging) so that they can make you happy. Have fun with this new stage in your life Queen L. You deserve it superwoman, after 25 years of marriage and 3 kids. Lol. :)
Queen B Asks: I realize, based on some of the podcasts I have had the pleasure of listening to, that your target audience is somewhere between the ages of 20 - 60 with somewhat healthy libidos. However, in a future podcast, it would be great to hear you tackle the subject on how to maintain intimacy in a relationship when, for whatever reason be it age, physical disability, illness, etc., the physical act of sex is no longer an option. Is that a subject you are willing to cover?
Dearest Queen B,
Thank you for a beautiful and bold question. Of course I’m willing to cover this topic. I would say that my target audience might seem to be within a certain age but you are also writing to me which means Sattvic and Sexy Queens are of all ages. As for your statement about having healthy libidos, unfortunately I wouldn’t say the libidos are healthy. Healthy libidos mean that they are being catered to in an optimal way and are sattvic; balanced and controlled by the intellect. Most libidos in women I know or I’ve spoken to are either rajasic or tamasic; excessively active or suppressed, respectively. But I know what you mean. Just wanted to clarify that.
As for your specific question, intimacy in a relationship has nothing to do with the act of sex. Millions of people have sex every day and have no intimacy. intimacy has to do with vulnerability and a willingness to be seen and see someone for who they really are and love them anyway. When you can be real and raw with your partner without being hurtful or hurt, you rise above the social norms and choose a high road for yourself and the relationship. In fact, a partnership never has to have any sex involved if both parties have no desires or natures towards that kind of connection. The bond a partnership creates is much deeper when it’s based on service and indebtedness. The action doesn’t matter, but the intention behind it does. Honoring and cherishing the person for giving you the opportunity to carry out your desires in this lifetime and thus serving them with pleasure. Be it by making them dinner, washing their clothes, or whatever duty you have to fulfill as your role, you do it with a sense of gratitude and devotion. Intimacy could be having a deep, loving moment of eye-to-eye contact or a gentle caress while holding hands where you both know you are safe with one another because there’s compassion, understanding, acceptance of whom each one truly is and a willingness to grow. This can happen with any action and should happen outside of the bedroom first. This way as people age, injuries happen and libidos change, at the core of your relationship you have your intimacy already stable in a higher place. Go get your intimacy, Queen B. You deserve that highest place for you and your partner - with or without libido. :)
How to Submit Questions:
- Email Rina with questions at AskRina@SattvicandSexy.com
Important Note: your questions will remain anonymous. Your name will come up as Queen followed by the first letter of your name. For example, Michelle’s question would be marked as “Question by Queen M.”
If you want to write for us and be part of our bold community, don't hesitate to send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org